The most solemn of all duties is that which we must perform to the dead , it is only becoming in us to show in every possible way our deep sympathy on these frequent occations .

Ostentatious show at funerals is gradually becoming less  , and by some discarded altogether ; pomp and ceremony does not properly illustrate the last journey of the poor clay to it's resting place , and the more quiet and simple the arrangement the better ; however , flowers are always in order and no better way to show our love and esteem can be suggested

It is the custom in large cities to give notice of death and announce the time of funeral service through the newspapers , but for fear  it may not reach all in time , invatations are sent to personal and family friends .

Invatations are printed on fine small note paper with a heavy black border ; and it is a breach of good manners not to accept the invatation and attend when you recieve one .

                                                                                            The following is a good form :

Yourself and family are invited to attend the Funeral of

                                     Mr. Leander Fox ,

from his late residence , No . 488  South Park Avenue , or from Plymouth Church .

To proceed to Graceland Cemetery .

                                                                ARRANGEMENTS 

The details of a funeral should be arranged by some relative  or friend of the family , or usually , the undertaker can be safely trusted to furnish everything necessary to prevent discord or annoyance ; pomp and display should be avoided .

The means of the family should , of course , govern the expenses , and the limit be a prudent one

Upon entering the houds of mourning the hat should be removed , and all loud talking or confusion avoided .

All differences and quarrels should be forgotten , and enemies who meet at a funeral should treat each other with respect and dignity .

No calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the dead remains in the house , and members of the family may be excused from recieving any but their most intimate friends at that time .

The bell knob or door handle is draped with black crape , with a black ribbon tied on , if the deceased is married or advanced in years , and with a white ribbon if young or unmarried .

                                                              THE SERVICES            

If the services are held at the house , some near friend or relative will recieve the guests .

The immediate members of the family and near relatives should take a final view of the corpse just before the arrival of the guests , and should not make their appearance again until about time for the services to commence .

The clergyman in taking his position should accommodate himself to thhe hearing of all , if possible , but especially to the family and near relatives , who will probably be in a room to themselves .

In such case he should stand in the doorway , the guests will have taken a last look at the corpse before seating themselves , and at the conclusion of the service the coffin lid is closed , and the remains are borne to the hearse .

The custom of opening the coffin at church , unless the person is one of distinguished prominence , is fast falling into disuse .

                                                             PALL-BEARERS                           

The pall-bearers , usually six but sometimes eight in number , are generally chosen from the intimate acquaintances of the deceased , and of nearly the same age .

If they walk to the cemetery , they take their position in equal numbers on either side of the hearse .

                                                       THE PROCESSION                         

The carriages containing the clergymen and pall-bearers precede the hearse , immediately followed by the carriages of the nearest relatives , more distant relatives and friends , respectively .

When societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they procede the hearse .

The horse of a deceased mounted military officer , fully caparisoned and draped in mourning , will be led immediately after the hearse .

As the mourners pass out to enter the carriages , the gentlemen stand with uncovered heads , no salutations are given or recieved .

The person who officiates as master of ceremonies assists the mourners to enter and alight from the carriages .

At the cemetery the clergyman or priest precedes the coffin .

                                     CALLS UPON THE BEREAVED FAMILY 

Friends may call upon the bereaved family in a week after burial , and acquaintances within a month .

It is the custom for friends to wear no bright colours when making their calls of condolence, short notes of condolence may be sent as an expression of sympathy .

Formal notes of condolence are no longer sent .

Custom prescribes some indication of one's bereavement in their dress.

They who choose to adopt this custom may do so with perfect propriety , the Widow dresses in mourning for life , or until a subsequent marriage .

For the loss of a Brother or Sister or Son or Daughter , six months or a year , as they may prefer .

When persons who have been in mourning wish to re-enter society , they should leave cards on all their friends and acquaintances , as an intimation that they are equal to the paying and recieving of calls .

Until this intimation is given , society will not venture to intrude upon the mourner's privacy .

In cases where cards of inquiry have been left , with the words "to inquire" written on the top of the card , these cards should be replied to by cards with "thanks for kind inquires" written upon them ; but if cards for inquiry have not been left , this fom can be omitted .

Of course there is a kind of complimentry mourning which does not necessitate seclusion , that which is worn out of respect to a husband's relative whom one may never have seen .

But no one wearing a heavy crape veil should go to a gay reception , a wedding , or a theatre .

Stillless should mourning prevent one  from taking proper recreation ; the more the heart aches , the more should one try to gain cheerfulness and composure , to hear music , to see faces which one loves ; this is a duty , not merely a wise and sensible rule .

Yet it is well to have some established customs as to visiting and dress in order that the gay and the heartless may be observing them avoid that which shocks every one , an appearance of lack of respect to the memory of the dead , that all society may move on in decency and order , which is the object and end of the study of etiquette .

                                                       MOURNING RESPECTED

A heartless wife who , instead of being grieved at the death of her husband , is rejoiced at it , should be taught that society will not respect her unless she pays to the memory of the man whose name she bears that "homage which  vice pays to virtue" a commendable respect to the useges of society in the matter of mourning and of retirement from the world .

Mourning garments have their use , that they are a shield to the real mourner , and they are often a curtain of respectability to the person who should be a mourner but   is not .

                                                 PERIOD OF MOURNING     

As for periods of mourning , we are told that a widow's mourning should last eighteen months , although in England it is somewhat lightened in twelve , for the first six months the dress should be of crape cloth or Henrietta cloth covered entirely with crape , collar and cuffs of white crape , a crape bonnet with a long crape veil , and a widow's capof white crape if preferred .

In America , however , widow's caps are not universally worn as in England , dull black kid gloves are worn in first mourning ; after that  gants de suede or  silk gloves are proper , particulllarly in summer .

After six months mourning the crape can be removed , and grenadine , copeau fringe , and dead trimmings used , if the smell of crape is offensive , as it is to some people .

After twelve months the widow's cap is left offff , and the heavy veil is exchanged for  a lighter one , and the  dress can be of silk grenadine , plain black gros-grain , or crape trimmed cashmere with jet trimmings , and crepe lisse about the neck and sleeves .

All kinds of black fur and seal skins are worn in deep mourning '

Mourning for a faather or a mother should last a year  , during half a year should be worn Henrietta cloth or serge trimmed with crape , at first with black tulle at the wrists and neck .

A deep veil is worn at the back of the bonnet , but not over the head or face like the wido's veil , which covers the entire body when down .

This fashion is very much objected to by doctors , who think many diseases of the eye come by this means , and advise  for common use thin nun's veiling instead of crape .

It is a thousand pities that fashion dictates the crape veil , but so it is , it is the very banner of woe , and no one has the courage to go without it , we can only suggest to mourners wearing it that they should pin a small veil of blacl tulleover the eyes and nose , and throw back the heavy crape as often as possible , for healths sake .

Mourning for a brother or a sister may be the same ; for a stepfather or stepmother the same ; grandparents the same ; but the duration may be shorter, In England this sort of respectful mourning only lasts three months .

Mourning for children should last nine months , the first three the dress should be crape trimmed , the mourning less deep than that for a husband .

No one is ever ready to take off mourning ; therefore these rules have this advantage , they enable the friends around a grief stricken mother to tell her when is the time to make her dress more cheerful , which she is bound to do for the sake of the survivors , many ofwhom are perhaps affected for life by seeing a mother always in black .

It is well for mothers to remember this when sorrow for a lost child makes all the earth seem barren to them .

                                                  LETTERS OF CONDOLENCES

We are often asked whether letters of condolence should be written on black edged paper , decidedly not , unless the writer is in black .

The telegraph now flashes messages of respect and sympathy across sea and land like a voice from the heart .

Perhaps it is better than any other word of sympathy , although all who can should write to a bereaved person , there is no formula possible for these letters ; they must be left to the individual's good taste , and perhaps the simplest and least conventional are the best.

The period of mourning for an aunt or uncle or cousin is of thre months duration , and that time at least should elapse before he family go out or into gay company , or are seen at theatres or operas , ect.

                                                           THE BODY & THE COFFIN         

We now come to the saddest part of our subjuct , the consideration of the dead body , so dear , yet so soon to leave us ; so familiar , yet so far away , the cast off dress , the beloved clay .

As for the coffin , it is simpler than formerly ; and , while lined with satin and made with care , it is plain on the outside , black cloth , with silver plate for the name , and silver handles , being in the most modern taste .

If our richest citizen were to die tomorrow , he would probably be buried plainly , yet it is touching to see with what fidelity the poorest creature tries to "bury her dead decently".

The destitute Irish woman begs for a few dollars for this sacred duty , and seldom in vain , it is a duty for the rich to put down ostentation in funerals , for it is an expence which comes heavily on those who have poverty added to grief .

In dressing the remains for the grave , those of a man are usually "clad in his habit as he had lived ".

For a woman , tastes differ : a white robe and cap , not necessarily  shroud like , are decidedly unexceptionable .

For young persons and children , white cashmere robes and flowers are always most appropriate .

                                                                     CARDS                  

In the course of a month after a death all friends of the deceaced are expected to leave cards on the survivors , and it is discretionary whether these be written on or not .

These cards should be carefully preserved, that , when the mourner is ready to return to the world , they may be properly acknowleged .