It is of the utmost importance , however , that there be no laboured effort to behave by rule , and that the forms of etiquette be not carried too far .

The law of common sense should be the basis of our intercourse with society ; and a kindly desire to make happy every body with whom we come in contact should actuate our conduct .

Still , with all this , there are thousands of people of the kindest  intentions , with much breadth of intellect , who continually violate the common usages of society , and who are liable to do the wrong thing at important times , and thus embarass their warmest friends .

So , we contend that a treatise on general conduct is as much a necessity as the text-book on grammar , penmanship or mathmatics '

If the soldier is more efficent by drill , the teacher more competent by practice , the parliament -arian more influential by understanding the code of parliamentry law , then equally is the general member of society more successful  by an understanding of the laws of etiquette , which teach how to appear , and what to do and say in the varied positions in which he may be placed .

In the study of etiquette , much may be learned by observation , but much more is learned by practice , there is a very great diffrence between theory and practice , both are necessities , the former in pointing the way ; the latter by making use of theory in practical application .

In this way we may acquire ease and grace of manner , first by understanding the reguiations which govern social etiquette , and secondly , by a free intermingling in society , putting into continual practice the theories which we understand .

To avail ourselves , however , to the fullest extent of society advantages , we must have acquaintance ; and hence , we introduce the rules of etiquette .

                                                        HUSBAND & WIFE           

Husband and wife should remember that they have taken each other "for better or for worse"

Their companionship is to end only with death ; hence they should see to it that their affection as lovers ripens into a permanent devotion .

They cannot become congenial companions without some effort to be such , if one should have tastes and inclinations to which the other is averse , they should not be obtruded .

In manners where conscientious conviction is not involved , each should willingly yield to the other .

One thing is indispensable to the happiness of married life , and that is , confidence in each other , the faith which has been plighted at the alter is considered so sacred that once broken it can hardly be repaired again .

Each must make allowence for the others weaknesses  , be ready to give and willing to recieve corrections from each other .

Let criticisms never be made in a fault finding way , however , show a lively appreciation for the attentions and favours recieved from eachother , and thus cultivate the love of making personal sacrifices .

The husband should consider his wife entitled to know all about his business plans , and he should make her his counselor in all new undertakings , if the wife is not worthy to be the "confidante" of her husband , she is not fit to be his wife .

Whatever faults each may see in the othershould not   be paraded before others , any little difficulty or misunderstanding should be settled withou the intervention of a third party

Bad temper should be suppressed and angry words withheld , one word spoken in haste may inflict a wound in the heart of your companion which will require months or years to heal over .

                                                         OUR LIFE AT HOME

Politeness is a habit , he who would be truly polite in society must render politeness habitual at home .

Why is not politeness as good for home as for other society ?many seem to think that gentleness and civility are only necessary in society other than the family .

They take extra pains to be polite in company because it contributes to the enjoyment of all , and relieves the occasion of friction , why will it not do the same at home ?

How pleasant that home where rudeness is unknown , and all are civil and polite, one should be governed by the laws of politeness toward all the members of one's own family no less than in the intercourse of general society .

There is , in addition , a tenderness and respect among the members of the home circle which can not be felt toward a common acquaintance .

First of all the father should recieve a degree of deference which is given to no other , his opinions should be recieved with great respect , and his advice with gratitude and attention ,his weaknesses , if perceived , should be concealed more carefully than your own , his comfort and convenience should be studied on every occation .

The mother may be treated with more freedom , but certainly with more tenderness , happy is the mother to whom her children render the unreserved homage of  the heart .

Rellations claim a prefrence over common acquaintances , if they are worthy , always treat them with the respect due them.

In conversataion at the fireside and at table , such subjects should be chosen as have some interestfor the wife or children , or both

Endeavor yto render your meals social as well as physical repasts , but never engage in defaming the character of anyone , or holding up the faults of your neighbours before your children .

Some children are raised to hear other children talked about until they think there is nobody virtuous or honest , hold up the virtues of others , and not their vices .

                                                                ETIQUETTE AT HOME 

"Manners are stronger than laws" , Goood manners and good morals go together , they are firm allies .

To refined persons there is nothing so repulsive as bad manners ; they not only see them but feel them .

It hurts a lady or gentleman of taste to see the common rules of etiquette violated .

                                                               REFINED TASTE       

There is no purely good manners inn the absence of correct tastes, it is important from the earliest childhood to begin the formation of pure tastes .

A correct taste is more properly the result of a general moral and intellectural culture than of any direct rules of discipline .

It is a matter of feeling , it rests upon a few broad principless ; and when these are interwoven with the character , and desired end wiill be attained .

Manners must be practiced at home , at your own table , your own drawing room  and parlor .

Like politeness , of which they are really a part , they must be habitual , the children should be taught to act at home just as the most sensitive parent would have them act at the home of a friend .

Manners are awkward things unless they are natural , they are unnatural if we are conscious of them , and especially if they cost us some effort .

                                                 MANNERS AND THEIR VALUE      

We should think of good manners as something fostered solely to carry with us when we go visiting .

They have a permanent value in themselves , home life is where , most of all , they are needed .

Manners tend to preserve mutual respect between brothers and sisters  and parents and children .

As we naturally despise ill manners , so those who bear them become the object of our contempt .

Good manners preserve us from too great familiarity on the one hand and too great reserve on the other .

By them we are able to hold others at a distance ; and at the same time win their esteem , make the family life a model of courtesy and good manners , and the sons and daughters , when they go out into the world , will be in no danger of attracting the ill-bred and vicious .

                                                A MOTHER'S INFLUANCE                        

Upon the mother devolves the duty of planting in the hearts of her children those seeds of love and virtue which shall develop useful and happy lives .

There are no words to express the relation of a mother to her children ,indeed it is more than a relation ; they are the same bone and the same flesh , the mother's supremest delight is in her children .

They are the objects of her care and love , she cares not for the outward world , and is , in fact alienated from it , wealth may come to them , great honours may be heaped upon them , but she never thinks of them other than her children .

President Garfield's mother , upon hearing the news   of her son's assassination , exclaimed : "O! how could they kill my baby !" Through all the years and conflicts of his life , in all the high positions he had occupied up to the higest gift of the nation , he was never anything else to her than her "baby" this is the mother's instinct .

She is constaantly thrilled with her passion for her children , let the mother , then , never forget that while she is training children she is rearing men and women .

A mother's love and prayers  and tears  are seldom lost on even the most wayward child .

                                                                  BE HONEST

Home culture pertains to all qualities of mind and heart that go to make up character , there is no part of child training that should be wholly entrusted to others , and certainly no part of moral training

One of the first things children learn to do is to tell stories , this is generally the first offence ,when they are very small , parents think it so "cunning"to see them playing little pranks , and encourage them in it , out of this encouragement comes the disposition to play bigger pranks when older, your children will be honest with you , if you are strictly honest with them

Honesty will beget moral courage , set your children the example of being true to conviction , of being conscientious in all things , if you have succeeded to training a child to be conscientious , you have succeeded in everything

                                                               AMBITION

Industry is a virtue ; idleness is a vice , industry sharpens the faculties of the mind and strengthens the sinews of the body , while indolence corrodes and weakens them , if the child is not industrious he soon becomes discontented , envious , jealous , and even vicious

"An idle brain is the devil's workshop", in a busy world there is no room for idle men or women , they are dead weights on society , the industrious man is the happy man

He feels that he is doing something by his industry for society , at least , he is paying his own way through the world , parents should encourage labour , in some useful  form , as a duty

If you give your children money for any purpose , teach them to make some return for it , to engage in some extra work about the house or farm or office , make them feel that they must earn their enjoyment

Industry is a security against shiftlessness and a lavish use of money , there is no virtue like thagt of industry

In the language of Addison , "mankind are more indebted to industry than ingenuity ; the gods setup their favours at a price , and industry is the purchaser"

                                                                 RESPECT    

There are many ugly qualities which the children , through the negligence of the mother , easily attach to themselves

Among these are malice , varice , self-esteem , lack of neatness , and a disregard for the convenience and welfare of others, there is one feeling , however , which , if early and strongly inculcated , will prove a safeguard  against these and many other evils , and that is , the feeling of self-respect

One great reason for the absence of this feelling in children  is that parents and grown people do not show to them that respect they deserve , when you hear a father speaking to his children , calling them "chap" "brats" or "young 'uns" you may be sure there will be a lack of self respect on the part of the children

Call children by their right names , speak to them in an affectionate way ; make them feel that you are counting on them for something , and they will then think something of themselves

Self-respect is one of the necessary conditions of a true manhood , it saves one from engaging in the thousand little dishounourable things that defile the character and blast the reputation , the mother having once made her children conscious that they are somebody , they object , at least , of a mother's love and a mother's prayers , it will serve as a shield to them in a thousand temptations

                                                NOT QUARREL OR COMPLAIN       

"The oil of civility is requested to make the wheels of domestic life run smoothly" the habit of quarreling  and complaining , so often seen in the home circle , greatly mars the enjoyment of home life

These little annoyances occuring every day and every hour really make life a burden, give your children no just cause for complaint , feed them well , clothe them well , and indulge them in such social enjoyments as are innocent and elevating

Teach them the beauty of peace and contentment , and be sure you set them the example yourself , never let them hear anything but kind words , and they will be apt to catch the spirit of a peaceful and quiet life

Constant fault finding , misrepresentation of motives , suspicious of evil where no evil exists , will work the complete destruction of peace and quiet in any home

                                           IN HONOR PREFERRING ONE ANOTHER 

This suggestion , made by an apostle to Christian people , is a good motto on the family , one of the greatest disciplines of human life is that which teaches us to yield our will to others , it is hard to do , even in the trifling things of every day life

We should not be taught to yield  , of course , where principle is concerned ; but in the thousand little troubles at home between children , and even between parents , there is nothing more involved usually than a mere notion or fancy

Cultavate the grace of giving in or yielding to the wishes of others , if you show no disposition to stubborness , those who are with you will refrain from doing so , too

Thus the path of every day life is freed from jars and discord , and home is made pleasant and peaceful , this discipline will be of inestimable value in after life , for if we get through life successfully we must , sooner or later , learn to yield

                                                          GOVERN BY LOVE  

The government of the family should rest upon love rather than fear , the only true obedience is that which is inspired by love , the child that is coerced through fear of brutal punishment , will one day become either desperate or cowed

The rod should not be spared altogether , but it should seldom be resorted to , many of the largest and most obedient families have been raised without the rod , obedience you must have ; if this is lacking , everything else will go wrong ; your instructions and counsels will prove ineffectual

Nothing has a greater tendency to bring a curse upon a family than the insubordination and disobedience of children, the ungoverned child will be the law breaking man , obedience to authority is one of the first  laws of all government and social order

That parent who turns out upon society an ungoverened and disobedient son or daughter , inflicts a public injury upon it , a great part of the lawlessness which furnishes our jails and penitentiaries with occupants , is due to bad home discipline